It all boils down to asking questions.

I find myself coming back to curiosity as the core for so many of our interactions with other people.

I've been traveling recently for work, about once a month.

This week, I struck up conversations with people sitting next to me at a brewery on two different days. (If you didn't know, I am a big beer geek. I'm also interested in other people. And, my word for this year is intimacy. Hmmmm.)

How do I engage?

I ask questions.

Not superficial questions about getting caught in the rain (yeah, that happened to me on one of the days) or whether the local baseball team was at home or on the road (they were on the road).

I ask questions about the other person and what they find interesting.

How do I know what they find interesting? Yup, I ask questions. 😉

The exploration of another person creates connection. It creates a common bond through conversation. It creates intimacy.

What if YOU asked more questions?

You don't have to talk with strangers. (Hmmm, what if you did?)

What if you set as a goal to ask one person three questions in your next conversation? Maybe your coworker, partner, child, or a friend.

Commit to asking meaningful questions. Start with one question and come up with the next question based on what the other person says.

Explore what they find interesting.

Make a deeper connection than usual.

Discover what happens when you ask questions.

Create your life.

🍨

When someone passes on from this earth, I often wish their loved ones a bit of peace.

Not necessarily what comes with wanting peace and quiet, although that might be desirable, too.

I want them to feel a bit of tranquility, relaxation, stillness, and harmony.

Perhaps enjoy a bit of privacy, solitude, and silence.

Definitely encounter calmness in their mind, body, heart, and soul.

Maybe even benefit from a bit of acceptance.

My aunt recently passed away after a battle with cancer.

She was a wife, mother, grandmother, sister, friend, and much more.

Her loved ones miss her dearly.

Other than believing she's joy filled in the next world, we must seek our own peace in this world.

❤️

When have you sought peace for yourself or others?

What does that peace look like for you?

I believe peace helps us keep going.

Wishing others a bit of peace might help them to keep going, too.

A simple desire with potentially meaningful impact.

Wishing you peace.

Create your life.

🍨

I recently saw Andy Grammer perform live.

He is such a fantastic performer!

His ability to entertain provides enthusiastic energy for watchers and listeners.

Watching him live - and preparing for the experience - I became even more aware of the messages he conveys through his music.

Every. Single. Song.

🎶

"Now there is a dream that I was sold

Just get all you can before you get old

So I bought it all and took out a loan

But now that I'm here, I got nothing to show

I don't wanna be 85, singing

'Oh, no, I think I missed it, I was chasing money'

I don't wanna be 85, singing

'Oh, no, I got a big house, but my heart is ugly'"

-from "85" by Andy Grammer

🎶

"I want to be someone who's not swayed by opinions

Be me authentically without the apologies

And want my heart to soar without being insecure

And point out what's wrong with me

'Cause sometimes subconsciously

Yeah, I can be mean in my mind

Beat myself up all the time with awful thoughts

And I can eat myself alive

I'm gonna try, it's gonna be an awkward talk, but

I love you, I don't say it enough

I love who you are, who you've become

Don't know why I cannot hear it

'Less it comes from someone else

But I'ma find a way to finally feel it

When I say it to myself"

-from "Love Myself" by Andy Grammer

🎶

"Pressure pushed me to the edge, she worked me to the bone

And jealousy, she lied to me, said I needed things I don't

Shame, she had a way to make me hate myself inside

But I found joy in my life"

-from "Joy" by Andy Grammer

🎶

His mostly upbeat tempos and catchy riffs certainly help with my enjoyment. I ended the concert night with a newfound respect for his story-telling and ability to provide me with positive fuel to inspire me and carry into my life.

❤️

The above lyrics inspire me to:

👍 see the bigger picture and stop chasing money (I bought the dream, too)

👍 stop beating myself up and choose to love myself more (as a recovering perfectionist, this is HARD)

👍 look for more joy in my life (it's there for the finding)

🎶

Where do you find positive fuel?

Is it music? Books? Nature? Meditation? Prayer?

Use that positive fuel to inspire, to identify what you want, to take your next step forward, to consider your next action.

It's hard sometimes. You gotta keep your head up. (Thanks, Andy!)

Provide positive fuel for your brain.

Create your life.

🍨

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the "magic" word.

Please.

Something else we should say more often: Thank You.

These two words convey an appreciation for something someone says or does.

They serve as acknowledgement to let another person know you "saw" what they did or said.

They might even pave a path to receive something similar in the future.

Could be verbal or a simple nod of the head.

Maybe its written.

Perhaps it includes a description of the reason for your gratitude.

It should always be sincere.

Think about the last time you said "thank you" to someone.

Maybe better, when did someone say "thank you" to you?

How did that make you feel?

Make a point to say these words more often today.

Notice how it makes you feel and imagine what's happening for the receiver.

Thank you for reading this Thursday Thoughts message. 🙂

Create your life.

🍨

"Failure we can do alone. Success always takes help." --Simon Sinek

💡

Why is it hard to ask for and/or receive help?

I believe at least part of the reason is socialization. We condition each other to look away when help appears and sometimes outright reject it.

I find it hard to ask for help sometimes.

Especially as a man, I feel a need to know the answers, to figure out a solution, and go it alone.

What a bunch of hogwash!

I'm proud to say that I've been getting better over the years at asking for and receiving help from others.

Perhaps that shift comes from the extra wisdom I've gained over the years.

That extra wisdom makes me more conscious of my need for connection with others. I am able to create more with others than I could on my own.

It what situation might you benefit from asking for and receiving help?

When might you benefit from more connection and creativity from working with others?

Who can assist and join you on your journey?

Ask for help.

Receive help.

Offer help.

We're stronger together.

Create your life.

🍨

What's the magic word?

Did anyone ask you this question when you were growing up?

I can still hear my mother's voice asking it.

"Can I have some ice cream?"

"What's the magic word?"

"Please?"

❤️

How often do we use this word today?

Saying "please" is a way to show respect and courtesy.

Perhaps a way that leads to getting what you want.

Please.

That's the magic word.

A word we could all say more often.

Create your life.

🍨

For real.

What do you care about?

Much earlier in life, probably high school, I remember reading a quote that stuck with me over the years:

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

More recently, this concept came to my mind during recent conversations with my coaching clients.

As a leader of an organization, team, family, or self, what do you care about? Profits, promotions, people?

Probably all of these things and much, much more.

What if you focused a little more on showing others how much you care?

Do you:

👍 discuss topics that are important to others?

👍 remember the names of their partner, children, or pets?

👍 remember their name?

👍 remember where people took their latest vacation?

👍 focus on them instead of you?

👍 listen?

That last one might be the kicker. Listening is a fundamental life skill that goes beyond showing interest and caring for others.

So, what do you care about?

Forget how much you might know.

Show the people around you how much you care.

Expand your relationships.

Build trust.

Create your life.

🍨

Courage.

This week, I was blessed with two situations to live into my word for the year - intimacy.

It required a little courage to intentionally choose my direction.

With each situation, I recognized - and embraced - an opportunity for me to exhibit expansive intimacy, expand beyond social constraints, and express multiple dimensions of who I am becoming and want to be as a man.

In one situation, I got to provide support for a friend who was shackled with anixiety about flying. In the other situation, I got to share thoughts with a colleague about work as well as parenting and masculinity in today's world.

In both situations, we shared vulnerability and we connected. I got to engage in deep conversation that too often eludes me.

It was expansive, intimate, deep, and liberating.

The conversations started intentionally and evolved into something comfortable, flowing, and beautiful by the end.

When have you intentionally drawn upon your courage?

When was the last time you engaged in deep conversation?

Can you find motivation in my recent experiences to show your own courage and vulnerability?

Feel the freedom and power that accompanies the connection you make.

Give yourself permission.

Feel what it's like to expand beyond the constraints holding you back.

Pay attention to what happens.

Create your life.

🍨

Whitney Houston released a song with these lyrics in 1987.

It strikes me that I get so emotional not only when thinking of a loved one but also in so many other situations.

I was particularly in touch with my emotions after a meditation in a beautiful garden on my route to the office this week.

The emotion I felt was mostly one of gratitude.

Gratitude for:

🙏 taking this time for myself

🙏 slowing down

🙏 my wife

🙏 my family

🙏 my life

🙏 the nature surrounding me

This connection stimulated in me a deep breath and feeling of satisfaction for the time spent meditating and doing something for me. My heart was swelling.

What causes your heart to swell?

What causes you to recognize, "I get so emotional" in this moment?

👍 Watching birds in the sky?

👍 Listening to birds sing?

👍 Feeling the wind blow against your skin?

👍 Watching your son or daughter sleep contently, knowing what you provide for them?

👍 Hearing one of your favorite songs on the radio?

👍 Witnessing your team grow?

Most of the time all we need to do is notice.

Notice what is actually stirring inside your being.

Notice where you feel it in your body. Take a deep breath.

Embrace the emotion.

Savor the moment.

Create your life.

🍨

Road trip!!!!!

As we get into the summer months, some of us might plan to take a road trip to visit family, see a National Park, enjoy an amusement park, rock out at a concert, or sit in the sun.

My family and I have at least one road trip planned during which we will visit family as well as the school my daughter will attend for the next four years.

Road trips are a great way to create memories.

Remember when we:

🚗 saw the full-sized R2D2 model in the trunk of a car?

🚗 got stuck in traffic and didn't move for two hours?

🚗 rode Expedition Everest ten times in a row?

🚗 watched the sun set across Lake Michigan?

🚗 listened to the American Top 40 countdown across multiple radio stations while we traveled across states?

What is one of your road trip memories?

Will you get a chance to create memories this summer?

It's not too late to plan. You only need to jump in the car, point in a direction, and GO!

Memories last a lifetime.

Create memories.

Create your life.

🍨

Are you following a path or leaving a trail?

Sometimes we need to follow a path. Go where others already traveled. Do something already done by others.

Sometimes we need to live by leaving a trail. Going where others have not and doing things others have not done.

Sometimes we need to be trailblazers.

Sometimes we need to lead.

So, are you following a path or leaving a trail?

Create your life.

🍨

When was the last time you said "yes" to yourself?

If you're anything like me, saying yes to others is waaayyy easier and more common than saying yes to myself.

I'm working to increase how often I say yes to me, especially this year as I live into my word, intimacy.

I categorize a commitment to me as intimacy with myself.

How have I honored the commitment to me?

👍 I recently joined a local gym for exercise and overall well-being.

👍 I made a decision to leave a networking event early so I could honor my exercise commitment - to me.

👍 I started to meditate each morning that I go into the office (three days a week lately).

👍 I signed up to attend a men’s retreat this fall.

Putting myself first does not come naturally. I usually sacrifice my wants and desires for those of others and give to others before myself.

It feels really, really good to say yes to me.

❤️ It's more than the endorphins released during exercise.

❤️ It's the satisfaction of knowing that I'm actively doing something to increase fulfillment in my life.

❤️ It's the belief (and hope) that taking care of my mind and body today will mean more tomorrows.

❤️ It's the recognition that I can take care of myself AND take care of others. It's not one or the other.

Where in life would you benefit from a commitment to yourself?

You get to choose.

For today, in this moment, make a commitment to yourself.

Then do it again tomorrow and again the day after.

Create your life.

🍨

Change.

For some, just seeing or hearing the word raises feelings of anxiety.

For others, the word brings energy and excitement.

How do you respond to change?

One way we might transition through change requires letting go of the old and accepting the new.

We might start with feelings of discomfort and show resistance. We may also feel fear, anger, frustration, uncertainty, or a sense of loss.

It is important for us to acknowledge our feelings and understand the purpose and benefits of the change. Something is coming to an end and we want to avoid rejecting or resenting the change happening.

It is also important for us to accept the fact that something is ending. This acceptance opens our heart so we can begin to accept something new.

As we transition from one ending to the next beginning, we may experience confusion, uncertainty, and impatience. We may also experience increased creativity, innovation, and sense of renewal.

When it's time for a new beginning, we move into a period of acceptance and energy. We begin to embrace the change.

👍

The next time you face a change, avoid the temptation to jump straight to the new beginning. Instead, consider taking the time to let go, acknowledge your feelings, understand what's happening, accept the transition, and then open yourself up to the possibilities ahead.

The need to move on is often clear, yet the transition is still uncomfortable and uncertain at this point. Leaving the comfort of what's known can be hard. Embracing the future can also be hard. Take time to feel and talk about your feelings. It's okay to feel lost or unsettled. Set short-term goals and experience quick wins.

Life is full of endings and beginnings.

👉 School graduation

👉 New in-person attendance requirements

👉 New job

👉 Relationship ending and/or beginning

👉 New family member

👉 Retirement

You have a chance to make each transition gracefully.

As leader of a family, team, or organization, you also have a chance to help those around you transition gracefully.

Create your life.

🍨

Do you want help navigating the transition from old to new? Let's talk! Schedule a discovery call: https://markstaelgraeve.as.me/discovery

Have you ever noticed an elevator button labeled with the letter 'S' on it?

A week or so ago when leaving the office, a few of us noticed the 'S' button. We assumed it had always been there. We just now noticed it. So, we pressed it. It did not light up. It did not appear to do anything at all. We wondered what it was for and where it went.

The next morning, I asked one of the building security people about it. He didn't know it existed and promised to find out more. A couple of days later, he shared that when we press the S button, the system says aloud the elevator car location or floor number. Each time you press it, it will read out the current floor number. So, it appears the S might stand for Sound and its purpose is to help those with low vision. I've enjoyed "testing" the button while riding. 🙂

Now we know the S button's purpose! Try it out if you see it!

Create your life.

🍨

P.S. It appears that the S button may be a result of the 2010 ADA Standards for Accessible Design.

I believe we have lost the responsibility to stay connected.

Perhaps this is not surprising given the last few years.

Even more so, I believe many have made the choice to not take this responsibility.

All of the remote working, all of the isolation, all of the loneliness, all of the lack of connection.

We seem to have forgotten how to stay connected.

We seem to have lost our way of being.

We can do better.

We must do better.

Our human condition means we are wired for connection.

Our society thrives when we connect with others in real, meaningful ways.

We GET TO connect with others.

It's our responsibility.

💡

The current hybrid world is likely here to stay.

This means that we must embrace a new way of being.

We must intentionally reach out to others, these days more than ever before.

This might be scary.

Fear is a choice.

Leave fear behind.

Make the choice instead to connect with someone.

👍 Say "hi" to the person next to you.

👍 Send a text or an email.

👍 Make a phone call.

👍 Drop by someone's house.

Make the connection.

You will be glad you did.

And so will the other person.

Create your life.

🍨