What's the magic word?

Did anyone ask you this question when you were growing up?

I can still hear my mother's voice asking it.

"Can I have some ice cream?"

"What's the magic word?"

"Please?"

❤️

How often do we use this word today?

Saying "please" is a way to show respect and courtesy.

Perhaps a way that leads to getting what you want.

Please.

That's the magic word.

A word we could all say more often.

Create your life.

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For real.

What do you care about?

Much earlier in life, probably high school, I remember reading a quote that stuck with me over the years:

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

More recently, this concept came to my mind during recent conversations with my coaching clients.

As a leader of an organization, team, family, or self, what do you care about? Profits, promotions, people?

Probably all of these things and much, much more.

What if you focused a little more on showing others how much you care?

Do you:

👍 discuss topics that are important to others?

👍 remember the names of their partner, children, or pets?

👍 remember their name?

👍 remember where people took their latest vacation?

👍 focus on them instead of you?

👍 listen?

That last one might be the kicker. Listening is a fundamental life skill that goes beyond showing interest and caring for others.

So, what do you care about?

Forget how much you might know.

Show the people around you how much you care.

Expand your relationships.

Build trust.

Create your life.

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Courage.

This week, I was blessed with two situations to live into my word for the year - intimacy.

It required a little courage to intentionally choose my direction.

With each situation, I recognized - and embraced - an opportunity for me to exhibit expansive intimacy, expand beyond social constraints, and express multiple dimensions of who I am becoming and want to be as a man.

In one situation, I got to provide support for a friend who was shackled with anixiety about flying. In the other situation, I got to share thoughts with a colleague about work as well as parenting and masculinity in today's world.

In both situations, we shared vulnerability and we connected. I got to engage in deep conversation that too often eludes me.

It was expansive, intimate, deep, and liberating.

The conversations started intentionally and evolved into something comfortable, flowing, and beautiful by the end.

When have you intentionally drawn upon your courage?

When was the last time you engaged in deep conversation?

Can you find motivation in my recent experiences to show your own courage and vulnerability?

Feel the freedom and power that accompanies the connection you make.

Give yourself permission.

Feel what it's like to expand beyond the constraints holding you back.

Pay attention to what happens.

Create your life.

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Whitney Houston released a song with these lyrics in 1987.

It strikes me that I get so emotional not only when thinking of a loved one but also in so many other situations.

I was particularly in touch with my emotions after a meditation in a beautiful garden on my route to the office this week.

The emotion I felt was mostly one of gratitude.

Gratitude for:

🙏 taking this time for myself

🙏 slowing down

🙏 my wife

🙏 my family

🙏 my life

🙏 the nature surrounding me

This connection stimulated in me a deep breath and feeling of satisfaction for the time spent meditating and doing something for me. My heart was swelling.

What causes your heart to swell?

What causes you to recognize, "I get so emotional" in this moment?

👍 Watching birds in the sky?

👍 Listening to birds sing?

👍 Feeling the wind blow against your skin?

👍 Watching your son or daughter sleep contently, knowing what you provide for them?

👍 Hearing one of your favorite songs on the radio?

👍 Witnessing your team grow?

Most of the time all we need to do is notice.

Notice what is actually stirring inside your being.

Notice where you feel it in your body. Take a deep breath.

Embrace the emotion.

Savor the moment.

Create your life.

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Road trip!!!!!

As we get into the summer months, some of us might plan to take a road trip to visit family, see a National Park, enjoy an amusement park, rock out at a concert, or sit in the sun.

My family and I have at least one road trip planned during which we will visit family as well as the school my daughter will attend for the next four years.

Road trips are a great way to create memories.

Remember when we:

🚗 saw the full-sized R2D2 model in the trunk of a car?

🚗 got stuck in traffic and didn't move for two hours?

🚗 rode Expedition Everest ten times in a row?

🚗 watched the sun set across Lake Michigan?

🚗 listened to the American Top 40 countdown across multiple radio stations while we traveled across states?

What is one of your road trip memories?

Will you get a chance to create memories this summer?

It's not too late to plan. You only need to jump in the car, point in a direction, and GO!

Memories last a lifetime.

Create memories.

Create your life.

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Are you following a path or leaving a trail?

Sometimes we need to follow a path. Go where others already traveled. Do something already done by others.

Sometimes we need to live by leaving a trail. Going where others have not and doing things others have not done.

Sometimes we need to be trailblazers.

Sometimes we need to lead.

So, are you following a path or leaving a trail?

Create your life.

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When was the last time you said "yes" to yourself?

If you're anything like me, saying yes to others is waaayyy easier and more common than saying yes to myself.

I'm working to increase how often I say yes to me, especially this year as I live into my word, intimacy.

I categorize a commitment to me as intimacy with myself.

How have I honored the commitment to me?

👍 I recently joined a local gym for exercise and overall well-being.

👍 I made a decision to leave a networking event early so I could honor my exercise commitment - to me.

👍 I started to meditate each morning that I go into the office (three days a week lately).

👍 I signed up to attend a men’s retreat this fall.

Putting myself first does not come naturally. I usually sacrifice my wants and desires for those of others and give to others before myself.

It feels really, really good to say yes to me.

❤️ It's more than the endorphins released during exercise.

❤️ It's the satisfaction of knowing that I'm actively doing something to increase fulfillment in my life.

❤️ It's the belief (and hope) that taking care of my mind and body today will mean more tomorrows.

❤️ It's the recognition that I can take care of myself AND take care of others. It's not one or the other.

Where in life would you benefit from a commitment to yourself?

You get to choose.

For today, in this moment, make a commitment to yourself.

Then do it again tomorrow and again the day after.

Create your life.

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Change.

For some, just seeing or hearing the word raises feelings of anxiety.

For others, the word brings energy and excitement.

How do you respond to change?

One way we might transition through change requires letting go of the old and accepting the new.

We might start with feelings of discomfort and show resistance. We may also feel fear, anger, frustration, uncertainty, or a sense of loss.

It is important for us to acknowledge our feelings and understand the purpose and benefits of the change. Something is coming to an end and we want to avoid rejecting or resenting the change happening.

It is also important for us to accept the fact that something is ending. This acceptance opens our heart so we can begin to accept something new.

As we transition from one ending to the next beginning, we may experience confusion, uncertainty, and impatience. We may also experience increased creativity, innovation, and sense of renewal.

When it's time for a new beginning, we move into a period of acceptance and energy. We begin to embrace the change.

👍

The next time you face a change, avoid the temptation to jump straight to the new beginning. Instead, consider taking the time to let go, acknowledge your feelings, understand what's happening, accept the transition, and then open yourself up to the possibilities ahead.

The need to move on is often clear, yet the transition is still uncomfortable and uncertain at this point. Leaving the comfort of what's known can be hard. Embracing the future can also be hard. Take time to feel and talk about your feelings. It's okay to feel lost or unsettled. Set short-term goals and experience quick wins.

Life is full of endings and beginnings.

👉 School graduation

👉 New in-person attendance requirements

👉 New job

👉 Relationship ending and/or beginning

👉 New family member

👉 Retirement

You have a chance to make each transition gracefully.

As leader of a family, team, or organization, you also have a chance to help those around you transition gracefully.

Create your life.

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Do you want help navigating the transition from old to new? Let's talk! Schedule a discovery call: https://markstaelgraeve.as.me/discovery

Have you ever noticed an elevator button labeled with the letter 'S' on it?

A week or so ago when leaving the office, a few of us noticed the 'S' button. We assumed it had always been there. We just now noticed it. So, we pressed it. It did not light up. It did not appear to do anything at all. We wondered what it was for and where it went.

The next morning, I asked one of the building security people about it. He didn't know it existed and promised to find out more. A couple of days later, he shared that when we press the S button, the system says aloud the elevator car location or floor number. Each time you press it, it will read out the current floor number. So, it appears the S might stand for Sound and its purpose is to help those with low vision. I've enjoyed "testing" the button while riding. 🙂

Now we know the S button's purpose! Try it out if you see it!

Create your life.

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P.S. It appears that the S button may be a result of the 2010 ADA Standards for Accessible Design.

I believe we have lost the responsibility to stay connected.

Perhaps this is not surprising given the last few years.

Even more so, I believe many have made the choice to not take this responsibility.

All of the remote working, all of the isolation, all of the loneliness, all of the lack of connection.

We seem to have forgotten how to stay connected.

We seem to have lost our way of being.

We can do better.

We must do better.

Our human condition means we are wired for connection.

Our society thrives when we connect with others in real, meaningful ways.

We GET TO connect with others.

It's our responsibility.

💡

The current hybrid world is likely here to stay.

This means that we must embrace a new way of being.

We must intentionally reach out to others, these days more than ever before.

This might be scary.

Fear is a choice.

Leave fear behind.

Make the choice instead to connect with someone.

👍 Say "hi" to the person next to you.

👍 Send a text or an email.

👍 Make a phone call.

👍 Drop by someone's house.

Make the connection.

You will be glad you did.

And so will the other person.

Create your life.

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The concept of grace has come up in different conversations lately, especially with my coaching clients.

Right now, I choose to give myself grace.

A little self-compassion.

It's Friday and I'm putting my Thursday Thoughts into the world.

Yup, a day late.

There was a time when I would get upset with myself. When my negative ego would have had a field day and tell me, in no uncertain terms, how much of a failure this makes me. No, it would let me know how big a failure I AM.

I've learned to notice those lies and not listen to them.

I've learned to give grace.

Sure, I wish I would have written a Thought and published it earlier.

I didn't.

And that's okay.

How about you?

Do you need to give yourself grace?

Instead of beating yourself up, choose to be kind to yourself.

Choose to ignore the critical voice in your head.

Choose forgiveness.

Give grace.

Create your life.

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You should do this. You should do that.

I should do this. I should do that.

Says who?!

From where does that expectation come?

When you use language like "should" it is an indication that you might be playing the victim.

Some external entity is saying you "should" do or say something.

Saying "should" gives up your own voice.

Saying "should" gives up your ability to make a choice about what YOU want, not what somebody else wants for you.

Don't do it.

Don't should on yourself.

Instead, use language of desire, yearning, wishing, or hope.

Replace "should" with "want" and notice what changes in you and how you look at "the thing."

Claim what you want for yourself. Claim your own power.

I want to do this. I want to do that.

Maintain ownership of you and your aspirations.

Don't give it up.

Create your life.

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My amazement continues.

Today marks the 208th time I've shared a Thursday Thought message.

I wanted to get my voice "out there" and decided to take a step. It seemed big and scary at the time.

Four years of weekly messages about life’s blessings, challenges, and everything in between. Inspired by what I read, listen to, observe, or somehow experience. Published on Thursdays! (usually)

I started with sending text messages to my family. God bless my wife, son, and daughter for their support! They enabled me to start sharing my voice.

After adding a few close friends and my mother (God bless our mothers!), I eventually expanded beyond text messages and when I launched my website, I built out a blog platform. With a little automation, my blog posts now go out via text, email, and get published on LinkedIn.

What are you waiting to start?

What's holding you back?

Take a small step. Ignore the fear (it's a liar).

With each little step, you get closer to your own milestones. Anticipate your own reflection of something that began 208 weeks ago.

Know that the best is yet to come.

Just get started.

Create your life.

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Give yourself permission to escape from the person you were "x" years ago or even yesterday.

You're not that person anymore.

The world is evolving.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we are evolving, too.

Create your life.

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Where is your focus?

Stephen Covey said, "The main thing is to make the main thing the main thing."

How might you do this?

Perhaps consider a shift from Time Management to Attention Management. It doesn't matter if you "manage" your time if you allow distractions which shift your focus to other things. Where you point your attention is what gets done.

If you want to manage your attention, here are some ideas:

👉 Block off time on your calendar to focus on getting important work done.

👉 Block off time on your calendar to plan the day or week.

👉 Give yourself permission to honor and protect the time blocks you set and do not allow anything to get in the way.

👉 Turn off desktop and phone notifications or at least silence them for a period of time, especially while you enjoy focus time (above two ideas).

👉 Use a timer to apply the Pomodoro Technique (25-minutes of focused work followed by a five-minute break - take a longer 15-30 minute break after four consecutive work periods).

👉 Avoid the myth of multi-tasking - you are actually context switching and not really doing two things at once (our brains don't function that way).

💡

In addition, you might want to tell people what you're doing and why. This will enable them to know what to expect and how they might support you.

When you make the main thing the main thing, you become more effective and perhaps more efficient, too.

That means you get more done and perhaps also in less time.

It also means you get to make a choice about where you direct your focus and how you manage your attention.

Start with one of these ideas and go from there, maybe adding one every week or two.

Make the main thing the main thing.

Create your life.

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